.upfront
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Wednesday, April 6
OMG IT'S BEEN AGES SINCE I LAST BLOGGED!
OKAY SO, SINCE THERE'S A COMPUTER ALREADY IN MY HOUSE, I SHALL START AFRESH! HOLLER!
Sunday, April 4
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!
SIXTEEN, LIKE FINALLY.
Yeah, got some presents from my dearest friends and bestfriends.
Especially Loopy eh!
"ALWAYS LATE BUT WORTH THE LATE."
NYAHAH!
THANK YOU ALL! MUAAAHH!
On my birthday itself, I went to Causeway Point with my Family. Yeah, watched How To Train Your Dragon. SUPERB. Recommended to all yeh? xD
Uhuhh. But yeh, there's bad news too.
Fee had to go back to Indon. And I didnt have the chance to say anything to him. I always dont have the chance. It's like, oh so fated.
Why did I had to get to know him, and then fall in love with him, but he's never gonna be mine. I mean I don't really mind if he's never gonna be mine or whatsoever, but why did he have to leave to go somewhere far?
I mean, what's the point of meeting this Fee?
Ape maksod sei?
It's like, I've fall into some deep cave or something that I can't even get out. It's funny how this happens to me when I've never even meet him before.
It get so strong that I've become tearless so many times. I mean tearless as like, I cried too much then yeh, I ran out of tears. Geddit?!
GOD!
Okay. So I've nothing better to do I guess. Oh my oh my.
Oh my Oh my.
Fuhk this shit!
Sunday, February 28
Things don't really change these days.
Or maybe not.
I still don't get it why can't I just forget the damn'ed past and live my life a new start. I mean, why it's so so so so so so dificult. It may seems like I'm so so melting with that 'drumstick' or 'drummerboy' or 'KG' or whatever nickname for him, but actually my heart still holds on to that one person. Or maybe two. But most of the time, I think it's just that one person.
For the past 3 years, I've fallen in love many times. It was nice in the beginning, but all failed in the end. What's the fuhking problem? I don't know.
Actually I don't even know what else to say. It's just that everything seems to get already kind of tattoo-ed deep in me. Okay what the hell.
I look at my friends, they look like they are having a good time eh! Especially CINOT! I'm envious of you all okayy!
And me? Trash!
Okay. Frankly speaking, that one person I'm referring to is Nur Shazyaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. (See my FB status.)
It's funny how we've never met, but I've soo fallen in love with him, that I can't get him outtaa my brains. I mean, Ehh hello? What's so special bout him that I can't even realise that we both have gone too far a distance without words for like so many months.
And sad, I can't figure that out.
And it's funny too, how I'm able to get over my ex-es so easily, but not him.
O___O
It'll be good if he remembers me too. But what if I'm all here along remembering him but he isn't? He don't even reply my offlline message at MSN. I don't even know if he's online. Now my laptop's spoilt and Mama's not repairing it. And I'm scared to just pickup the phone and dial him up. His number is at my fingertips. But I don't know why I'm still holding back and waiting.
I kept what he said to me thru my blog and MSN last time.
And if I were to read it, a box tissue won't ever be enough.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
K. HAIS.
BTW, I was having Plain White T's 'I Will Write You A Song' as my backfround music when I was updating this. HAHA.
Stupid.
Now, I don't know what I should do when I don't know what should I do.
Wednesday, January 20
OH YEAHHHH.
Life's been bitchy nowadays. So much for being seniors in school and now being able to watch NC16 movies eh? -___-
Well, nothing much to update about. Things are still the same. Persons are also the same, except for the fact that my mum is being good. I like that. Thanks. :D
What else? Love? Nothing to talk about it. Hmm, I guess waiting doesn't gets me anywhere. Neither does it gets him anywhere. He changed I guess.
And I feel bad, not contacting him. But what can I do?
And I've been missing on KI. Does he even remembers me? O_O
Damn, hella. I don't have a handphone to contact HIM. And now's my laptop's being bitchy. And I have to go all the way to Kebun Baru CC to check some online updates.
WHAT THAAA FUHKK.
NO LIFE.
T____T
And guess what? There's this bitch from Sec2 from my school. I caught her staring at me. With that, 'asshole face' . Who the hell you think you are dude?!
Doesn't mean I'm alone at that point of time, Im gonna be scared when you stared at me?
Woah bitch. Hold up. You think Imma Sec1 kid or what? HAHA.
Lame shit uh. I guess she read my lips which said "SIAL LA." at that moment of time.
Oh yeh. And to-day I recieved Yearbook, and I learnt that her name's Siti Nadiah or something.
WHUT THE HELLA.
Top my enemy's list. Hoe.
Okay. Now gotta go.
Labels: o_o
Friday, December 11
ELEVEN DECEMBER.
What does that mean?
The third month, that is never gonna happen.
Holyyyy!
D: This is a freakingg fhukinggg disasterr.
I am sooo like, WTF?
Khairul Iskandar, do you remember that today was supposed to be our third? Huhhh? I think you do. And it's never gonna happen, thanks to you.
But it's cool. I'm fine. It's just luck, and it's supposed to be this way or whatever.
I thought we could, but no, we couldn't.
It's okay.
And noww, I mean tomorrow, I'm going off for vacation to Penang and KL and wherever, somewhere in Malaysia.
For a week.
Lucky, this gonna be a getaway for me from the heartbreaking break-up.
Well you can say it's a good time because since I'm the broken-hearted girl for now, [ LOL, broken-hearted kepe >_> ] , I can enjoy myself there.
And I have no need to worry about not being able to contact Khairul because we are now officially over.
Cool huh?
-_-
Well, goodbye then people. And btw, thanks to my girlfriends, for putting the effort in cheering me up. Frankly, if you people ask me what had happened, I'll say no words.
It's over, and so it means it's over.
What else can I say?
"Come back to me?"
Of course not.
I don't want to spoil my reputation.
'Macam perempuan tak laku je.'
-________-
And oh yeah, my imagination which told me maybe he's gonna call me the next day, asking for a patch and apologising and all, didn't come true.
Aww, I knew that all along.
I was just making myself to feel better by thinking about all the possibilities of saving the relationship.
But all are impossible.
So what shall I do?
STFU, I guess.
Noww, goodbyee!
I'm off for vacation, with family and cousins and aunts and uncles.
Pray that my journey for th whole week will be a safe one.
Thinking of the posibbilities of getting into accidents on the highways of Malaysia is driving me crazy.
Imagining me dying, and him, feeling sorry and blaming himself that that happened because of him.
AWWW!
Crazy huh?
Hahahahaha.
WTF.
Kk, anyway, I've been having a good time playing this online game, Meez.com. Super fun!
Met a few US guys, awww. >_>
Okay got to go!
PS: thanks for changing your relationship status at Facebook, Khairul.
And my love's still not fading.
Chao Chin Chi.
Labels: FTW
Wednesday, December 9
And now it's so over.
Way crazy. I'm like "........"
"mm k", was all I could say.
Just let me recall what I could that I said to you on the hot afternoon of 8 december.
OH GREAT. 3 more days baby, and we'll make it to the third.
Spoiler. So much for the third one. And you don't even care to make it to the third before considering a break-up. At least, make it the third, and you can go.
And no, you can't even do that.
So here's what I could recall what I said to you. Not in chronological order, just randomly typed-out as soon as it pops out of ma bloody brain.
"TAKECARE AND GOODLUCK IN WHATEVER YOU DO."
And people, that was my last words to him before we parted at AMKHUB, he going to wait for his friend, and me, to Sweetalk. Kinda directly parted infront of Sweetalk. He just nodded, and I am wondering [still wondering] if he'd really heard what I said. I wish he did. I managed to glance at him, without eyes meeting. Shit. I miss him already. But I dont know where did I get that TAKECARE AND GOODLUCK IN WHATEVER YOU DO line. Just popped out of ma bloody brains that sec and just threw it out to him.
Next, before that, before going to AMKHUB I remembered I said something like,
"So what's your reason for this?" and, "Uhuhh, then? Anymore reason?"
So you explained. -blablabla-
"Done?" I asked.
No! Wait, before that, he said,
"Let's just break. I rase ni lebih baik untuk kite."
"WHAT???" That was just a response from inside.
Outside, I said, "You sure?"
& yknow what? It feels not so surprising for this break-up, it's like I've already suspecting it to happen without really suspecting. Dig? No then it's okay. LOL.
& he said, "Yeah. Bende camni mane ley uat mainmain. Betol la ni."
-silence-
Yes that was it.
"You sure? Reasons?" Second time asking for his assurance.
Paused, and gave his reasons.
Paused, and gave his reasons.
One: Hard to meet.
You're really a pantat la. In the first place, you know I needed an understanding and compromise-able guy. You said you are. Now?
Two: I don't get what I want. "Ni permintaan kecik pon you takley bagy ke?"
Permintaan as in what? Oops, personal. Go figure. Poo-head -.-
"I rase you tawu la reasons nye kan? Kan? Kan?"
Waited for my answer while looking at me.
I gave out a nervous giggle.
"Errr no. Idk. Dont leave! Please No!!!" That was all inside.
"Okay. So now what?"
-silence-
"K ah move luh. I'm late already." Both lines were by me.
"So officially break huh?" I asked.
"Yes."
Left that stupid staircase place.
AWKWARDDD.
I walked infront of him. I always did. -.-
"Gosh. Just one more last kiss I need. Please! Or a hug. Or both! Damn. Don't leave." My brains were thinking.
Serious shit, I needed a last kiss or something, but of course, no. Just a last KHAIRUL-ISKANDAR-SOMETHING. A high-five would do. Or maybe a pat on the head whatsoever.
Because I know I'll never see him again. Or maybe not. IDK.
But one thing's for sure, I made him promise to keep contact eventho the romantics were over. :D
And guess what, he still called me B when we were at AMKHUB and still talked in that "I,U" kinda thing. Eventho previously right after the break-up confession we had talked like "Kau,Aku". He's weird.
Maybe he's confused. I got that feeling actually. Nevermind, who knows, tonight when he's in bed, trying to fall asleep, he'll think of me, he'll think about what he'd said to me, thinking about whether all these are stupid mistakes that he just did, thinking about us, thinking of those memories, fun, laughter, getting mushy and whatever couples do together.
Maybe a change of mind.
& he'll dial me up first thing in the morning after he's awake, telling me that the break-up was a stupid mistake and we should get back together and he'll be apologising. HOE!
Who knows?
Or maybe not.
IDK.
Who knows?
Or maybe not.
IDK.
OH YES. He said,
"Mungkin I bukan yang terbaik untuk you. Mungkin ade orang pat luar sane yang lebih baik untuk you dari I."
And maybe that goes the same to you. Maybe I'm not THE ONE for you. It's okay.
And one more thing, I asked him,
"Ohh so it means that all this while you've been asking me what will I do if you were to ask for a break-up, means that you've been planning it for a long time luh?"
He said, "No, I just wanted to know. That was just out of my curiosity. Nothing to do with this real break-up." And he sounded sincere, so I trusted that.
"So now since you've asked for it already, what do you want me to do?" I asked.
He never did answer.
PS:
Khairul Iskandar, it's a victory for me that I managed to not to cry infront of you. And now letting you go doesn't mean the world's over.
But baby, I just want you to know that it had been a great time when you were with me.
I still remember your words,
"If you keep my name in your heart and I keep your name in my heart, we will always be together, you know??"
YES.
I kept Khairul Iskandar in my heart and still keeping it, but you still left. It's okay.
And you know what? I had the first face-to-face break-up with you. Ha. Funny. Previous was like through friends, or sometimes, just MIA.
And you know what? I had the first face-to-face break-up with you. Ha. Funny. Previous was like through friends, or sometimes, just MIA.
It's okay.
I guess I've grown stronger after all those difficult times. I was able to fight the tears off, atleast when I'm infront of you. I did cry afterall. And after posting this, I want to cry my heart out. Thankyou. Ha.
I wish maybe sometime we'll get back together. God knows.
I wish maybe sometime we'll get back together. God knows.
I wish.
Cos I know, you're good, and my friends like you. Idk if they still do or not after they know about this break-up. Ha.
Frankly, I'm not that crossed with you, or whatever. Just, regret.
Maybe it was my fault not trying hard enough to give you all the attention.
And maybe cos that you understand me, but not fully. Geddit? I appreciate what you did for me. Thank you.
Just remember this, my life is always not easy.
I told you when we were compromising things, remember?
I may not know how to 'pujok' you when you go mad or upset. I may not know how to really react to your words, I may be irritating, I may not be a girl who you wish I was, I may be immature [I think you are too, lack of good brain cells to think properly and rationally (: ]
or whatever I may not know or may not be, but I'll always remember you, and, you know it yourself.
Keep those memories we left behind, and I love you, still.
I already miss you.
Your face.
Your warm embrace.
Your hugs and kissies. Friendly and caring.
The smell of you. Sweet. D:
So what shall I do now?
I wish we had one last, final, goodbye kiss, baby.
Really.
xxx
nothing left to say.
But you know what? It feels weird, waking up in the morning, suddenly realising, shit, I've lost you.
No, we are not together already.
IT HURTS!
Bloody hell.
Aku sayang kau uh. Ha. Okay.
I'm cool. Chill.
Hidop mati tetap maintain.
Haaaaa.
So, goodbye.
Chao Chin Chi.
May God Bless You and Me.
Labels: ♥
Monday, November 16
Mass Update of my blog right here yeah .
WOW. So dead . Haha !
Oh my god .
HAHA ! This gonna be random. but while I was posting this, K.I. called me .
And damn, I've got this awkward feeling .
I don't know why . He asked me if I could like meet him tomorrow or whatever . But of course, I couldn't . Duh so obvious !
And of course he was mad .
WOW. So dead . Haha !
Oh my god .
HAHA ! This gonna be random. but while I was posting this, K.I. called me .
And damn, I've got this awkward feeling .
I don't know why . He asked me if I could like meet him tomorrow or whatever . But of course, I couldn't . Duh so obvious !
And of course he was mad .
Me talking in purple.
"Alah, you peng cite nan mak you la cakap you ade project ke ape. Tu pon nak I cadangkan. Kalau besok kite jumpe, kite nanti one or two weeks later ley jumpe lagi. Tapi besok bolehlah eh?"
I was like "....."
I said, "Bey adek I takde orang jage sei."
"Bawak adek you skali laa. Alamak. Buto la."
-Silence-
"Lek uh, tu pon nak marah. I tengok dulu la k? I tak janji."
"Okay la okay la."
"Uhm, okay."
-Silence-
"Jadi eh besok?"
"Tengok dulu laa. k?"
"Yelahh. Kkay. Pape call I."
This part, it's either call him or miss call him . I never hear properly la .
-Sounds like he wanted to say something but hesitates.
"Uhh okay, bye." I continued.
"Okay byee." he said .
I put down the phone first . My heartbeat went fast . What the hell is wrong with the just conversation ?
I felt like calling him back because it was like, "Okay bye" then hung up . I feel bad man !
But, ARRRHHH, I dont know .
I feel bad, really bad, I cant spend time together with him . I hope he understands, but he doesn't seems to .
He was at home when he called .
Gah .
I miss him .
God bless / and am still thinking of how the hell I can meet him during this holidays .
Fag !
"Alah, you peng cite nan mak you la cakap you ade project ke ape. Tu pon nak I cadangkan. Kalau besok kite jumpe, kite nanti one or two weeks later ley jumpe lagi. Tapi besok bolehlah eh?"
I was like "....."
I said, "Bey adek I takde orang jage sei."
"Bawak adek you skali laa. Alamak. Buto la."
-Silence-
"Lek uh, tu pon nak marah. I tengok dulu la k? I tak janji."
"Okay la okay la."
"Uhm, okay."
-Silence-
"Jadi eh besok?"
"Tengok dulu laa. k?"
"Yelahh. Kkay. Pape call I."
This part, it's either call him or miss call him . I never hear properly la .
-Sounds like he wanted to say something but hesitates.
"Uhh okay, bye." I continued.
"Okay byee." he said .
I put down the phone first . My heartbeat went fast . What the hell is wrong with the just conversation ?
I felt like calling him back because it was like, "Okay bye" then hung up . I feel bad man !
But, ARRRHHH, I dont know .
I feel bad, really bad, I cant spend time together with him . I hope he understands, but he doesn't seems to .
He was at home when he called .
Gah .
I miss him .
God bless / and am still thinking of how the hell I can meet him during this holidays .
Fag !
PS : Sorry, I know it's hard but I cant change it . Hope you'll understand and stay patient okay . It's not that I dont want, but it's I can't. Why must love be so difficult ?
Or maybe it's time I let go ?
You deserve the time to spend together . But I cant give you that baby .
Maybe you deserve to be with someone else who is far off better than me, who can be with you anytime you need when I can't .
I dont know .
But I Love You . & you need to know that .
bless me .
Wednesday, November 4
Just a nice song I've heard over th airs of 89.7fm. I like it! Haha!
Monday, November 2
WOW.Reupdate of blog.
It's soo dead.
GAH. Can't be bothered, don't know, don't care. Whatever.
So much things happened.
Me and mum never gets better. Sometimes I do miss those mum-daughter moments. But sometimes, god! I don't know lahr.
And I miss Khairul Iskandar too.
It's been like a week plus since I saw his face. Haha! Well. distance. But yeah whatever it is I'll still love him. :)
And whatelse more. I'm starting to think of my past. I mean, that somebody who used to be here but now he's gone far far away. Literally far from here. From me. From Singapore.
He was always there as a companion when I needed to tell stories. It felt good but now, look what happens,
NUR SYAZYAN? I feel like using that publicphone under my opp. block to call his number. and then just hang up as soon as he answers. HAHA! Childish, but what other choice do I have left?
MY offline messages were never replied. Now can't text. So?
To be or not to be. To call or not to call. HAHA!
AND my friendship with Yuyun. What? What?
Hanging up there. I'm wondering if Nabilah had helped to talk to her.
HAIS!
Damn this life.
GOD!
Wednesday, October 21
OHHHH.
I Miss You.
Eh nice picture eh? XD
Yeahh I miss you. Wo xiang ni. Gue kangen sama kamu. I rindu you.
HAHA!
PS: Sorry if I couldn't keep in contact with you like I always does. Hope you can understand uhh. Frankly speaking, I'm afraid to lose you, because I know, the distance between us.
But just want you to know, I love you, although it may seems like I don't care because I never call you or anything but that's not right okay.
HEH.
Yeah, Thanks, for coming all the way from Eunos to AMK to just spend time together all this while.
Haha! ;D
"Keep my name in your heart, and I keep your name in my heart, we will always be together, you know?"
I'll remember those words baby.
Hahaha!
Don't even know if you're gonna see this. but it's okay.
Haha!
K.I.♥
Thursday, October 15
Haha! That's what you get when girlfriends go siao! XD
Well, I'm not siao. Just retarded. As you can see from the above picture.
Well, I'm not siao. Just retarded. As you can see from the above picture.
Nyahahaha!
Well random picture I decided to post.
Now I'm beginning to update my blog as wanted by my dear Cinoneh Friend aka Giraffe who is now dating with a Duck.
GIRAFFE DUCK!
AWWW sweets! XD
Ain, this post is dedicated to you la I guess.
HEH!
Okay so now, I'm currently enjoying life.
Not talking much to school friends.
Missing K.I.
PS: Sorry cant meet you today k gyler.
XD
And I can't wait for upcoming Sunday for Perjumpaan Hari Raya!
Although Raya is almost going to go basi already, but nevermind.
Get the spirits up yaw!
Inilah yang ku katakan, semangat kebabian! XD
Okayy choowwwww.
I MISS KHAIRUL ISKANDARR.
BLEAH!
*slap forehead*
Labels: what?
Time to get back on track yeh!
Well it's been so long sinc eI last blogged.
Alot of things happen to me, around me, and everywhere you can think of.
It's hard for me to update all of that in my blog here.
Well now, I'm currently trying to forget those disastrous moments which happened to me.
And currently trying to keep all those beautiful memories with that ayye ayye someone ayye inside my heart.
HEHHOOOOO! XD
So now, "weeiiooooonnnkkkkk~ to a whole new me!" XD
Tuesday, October 13
OMG !
Dead blog.
Guess I have to make it alive back.
HAHAHA.
Oke go!
Friday, September 11
11 09 09
September, the eleven.
Rudee Iskandar,
I'm Yours.
I'll hope this last, because I've got no other things to hold onto now.
I trust you like how I used to trust them,
but please show me you're different.
You told me you love me, I love you harder.
So please, give me your hands
So please, give me a lesson on how to steal,
steal a heart
As fast as you stole mine, as you stole mine
xoxo❤
Labels: september eleven
Wednesday, September 9
Okaaayy!
Labels: Rudee Iskandar
Tuesday, September 8
WOW.
September holidays, so boringg laaa.
Supposedly I had to go for extra Hmt lessons at Anderson, but too bad, I'm so damn lazy to go.
Sorry Cinot, for making you pester me to go but in the end I never. Hehh!
WOW.
Sad news. Super sad. Gosh, I'm so dumb.
Why why why? I waited for like eons, and now I realise, there's never gonna be that day. I never gonna owe you like I used to.
WOW.
I was just about to post about you, and I was just about to write a poem for you, but what the hell.
I guess all that have been erased of your heart.
And I'm that dumb to be still putting hopes up high towards you.
WOW.
You make me hate you.
But I miss you.
But why?
Why can't I just get it over and done with just like you did of me?
Why eh? Why?
I wasted my time thinking back, I wasted my time re-reading those conversation we had till I could memorise all.
Wasted my thoughts while I took that bus every Saturday which passed-by your place. Flashing back all those moments.
When you already moved on so far.
WHY?!
Fcukxzxz this shit.
WOW.
Hell yeahh!
PS: Until you realise, it'll be too late.
Labels: knock me out
Wednesday, September 2
SMACK !
Gahhh, it hit me hard .
Fifi went to hospital, I got a message from his number, but it was not him, but his sister, tellling me that he had asthma and had to rushed to the hospital, and that was why he wasn't online yesterday when he was supposed to.
I knew it. Something bad would happen, because I know he is not the type who would forget.
WELL IM BLANK-HEADED.
I can't do anything.
I was totally like OhMeGod, when I received that news after school.
& I wasn't able to reply because prepaid was low.
HELL YEAHH .
Please God, for once, let him be of himself, please protect him because I'm just too faraway to look over him and be with him.
"Ku tahu ku takkan slalu ada untukmu,"
AND, LIFE'S SUCKING ME INTO BOREDOM.
And I MISS Donut.
Donut, I miss you. Please know that, thankyou.
And Fifi.
I'm here but not there. I wish I were. But never will. I can only pray for you all this while.
I♥You.
And hopefully, I can meet up with my Girlfriends soon.
Because Im dead bored.
No life.
BLEAHxzxz.
Labels: DOPE.
Tuesday, September 1
WOAH, I SO MISS MY BLOGGY.
Since it's been so long, too long that I feel like I've lost my cyber world and my circles of friends in here.
Well well. I had quite a chance of using my laptop today, thanks to the Social Studies project, which without it, don't even dream of me being able to go online again, Heckk .
Updated blog, haha !
Okay well, borinngggg.
Got to go.
PS: Fifi ku, dimanakah kamu ? NYAHAH !
Labels: get up get up
Friday, August 7
OMG OMG !
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I SO MISS MY LAPPY LIKE F*CUK .
OMGOMGOMG !!!!!!!!!!!
Damn I'm soooooo hyper . Awww look at my tagboard, xD
Awwww my blog's soooo dead .
God, there's so many things that happen and I feel like posting everything about it .
Hahahahah !
Well hipefully my mum is kind enough to give back my lappy, but sure of course NOT, she won't .
She's sometimes cruel, you see .
Okay maybe not sometimes, everytime .
-____-
Because today my class has this outing/farewell party due to the fact that one of my classmate, son of Ganapathi, is going to Indiaa to study and will leave us very soon .
Awww super sad, I can't join in the fun .
So unfair .
Like totally unfair .
Bleahhhhhh,
this world hates me .
Okay now gotta do something else while I still have the power in my hands to use the lappy ,
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH !
Bye .
*smilewithbigbigteeth*
Thursday, July 16
OHH HELLO HUMANOIDS `!
Things had been so great lately . "GREAT" yeah great . So much so for being so great that I'm bringing myself into another hard situation . Or should I say it's just a fcuked up life I'm leading all this while .
Well, something's going on with Nur Syazyan as obviously and I'm so not getting any of what f*kaduck tryna say . I mean, this all came so suddenly, I don't even know where I'm standing right now .
First, my laptop, had been taken away by my Dad . THIS IS SOOOOO GREAT BABY .
-_- God ! And right now I'm at Anderson's taking opportunity when I still can and go online and check out the tagboard .
Second, this disaster . I'm so tired . Cried to sleep . Came to school grinning like one fcuking idiot telling myself this is gonna be alright, when another half of myself says that it's not gonna be .
How's that ?
Okay, currently feeling tired everyday . So so tired .
Third, I keep thinking about NUR SYAZYAN, what the hell actually happened to you ?
I don't know what else to think of already,
and making it worse,
My O-level Malay is coming up .
Oh wow wow wow . Including common tests and all . School is my another battle .
One long battle before I can move to my next stage of life .
This is all so frustrating .
I told myself to do well or I wont make it to end of year and maybe will spend my days after graduation working as a cashier let what my mum always says.
Mum: "You dont do well in you O's, no such thing as Poly and ITE ."
I kept quite .
Mum: " I want you to go to JC. Now I dont want to listen to you anymore . I've put you in this school because you wanted to but you didnt do well . "
I kept quite .
Of course she had said this in Malay but I guess it's easier for me to type out in Englay .
Kay now what, sit here and rot ?
Well one good thing is that I managed to collect a sum of money to buy myself a SIM card, and the h.fone, well I'll use my Mum's old h.fone when she's not around .
Thanks God, for giving me some light in this darkness I'm going through .
Kay gotta go, teacher's dismissing us in quite a short while soon .
Takecare, PS: Nur Syazyan, please do me a favour and take bloody good care of yourself . Please .
xoxo
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