And now it's so over.

Way crazy. I'm like "........"
"mm k", was all I could say.
Just let me recall what I could that I said to you on the hot afternoon of 8 december.
OH GREAT. 3 more days baby, and we'll make it to the third.
Spoiler. So much for the third one. And you don't even care to make it to the third before considering a break-up. At least, make it the third, and you can go.
And no, you can't even do that.

So here's what I could recall what I said to you. Not in chronological order, just randomly typed-out as soon as it pops out of ma bloody brain.

"TAKECARE AND GOODLUCK IN WHATEVER YOU DO."

And people, that was my last words to him before we parted at AMKHUB, he going to wait for his friend, and me, to Sweetalk. Kinda directly parted infront of Sweetalk. He just nodded, and I am wondering [still wondering] if he'd really heard what I said. I wish he did. I managed to glance at him, without eyes meeting. Shit. I miss him already. But I dont know where did I get that TAKECARE AND GOODLUCK IN WHATEVER YOU DO line. Just popped out of ma bloody brains that sec and just threw it out to him.

Next, before that, before going to AMKHUB I remembered I said something like,

"So what's your reason for this?" and, "Uhuhh, then? Anymore reason?"

So you explained. -blablabla-

"Done?" I asked.

No! Wait, before that, he said,

"Let's just break. I rase ni lebih baik untuk kite."

"WHAT???" That was just a response from inside.
Outside, I said, "You sure?"

& yknow what? It feels not so surprising for this break-up, it's like I've already suspecting it to happen without really suspecting. Dig? No then it's okay. LOL.

& he said, "Yeah. Bende camni mane ley uat mainmain. Betol la ni."

-silence-

Yes that was it.

"You sure? Reasons?" Second time asking for his assurance.
Paused, and gave his reasons.

One: Hard to meet.
You're really a pantat la. In the first place, you know I needed an understanding and compromise-able guy. You said you are. Now?

Two: I don't get what I want. "Ni permintaan kecik pon you takley bagy ke?"
Permintaan as in what? Oops, personal. Go figure. Poo-head -.-

"I rase you tawu la reasons nye kan? Kan? Kan?"
Waited for my answer while looking at me.
I gave out a nervous giggle.
"Errr no. Idk. Dont leave! Please No!!!" That was all inside.

"Okay. So now what?"
-silence-

"K ah move luh. I'm late already." Both lines were by me.
"So officially break huh?" I asked.

"Yes."

Left that stupid staircase place.

AWKWARDDD.

I walked infront of him. I always did. -.-
"Gosh. Just one more last kiss I need. Please! Or a hug. Or both! Damn. Don't leave." My brains were thinking.

Serious shit, I needed a last kiss or something, but of course, no. Just a last KHAIRUL-ISKANDAR-SOMETHING. A high-five would do. Or maybe a pat on the head whatsoever.
Because I know I'll never see him again. Or maybe not. IDK.
But one thing's for sure, I made him promise to keep contact eventho the romantics were over. :D

And guess what, he still called me B when we were at AMKHUB and still talked in that "I,U" kinda thing. Eventho previously right after the break-up confession we had talked like "Kau,Aku". He's weird.

Maybe he's confused. I got that feeling actually. Nevermind, who knows, tonight when he's in bed, trying to fall asleep, he'll think of me, he'll think about what he'd said to me, thinking about whether all these are stupid mistakes that he just did, thinking about us, thinking of those memories, fun, laughter, getting mushy and whatever couples do together.
Maybe a change of mind.

& he'll dial me up first thing in the morning after he's awake, telling me that the break-up was a stupid mistake and we should get back together and he'll be apologising. HOE!
Who knows?
Or maybe not.
IDK.

OH YES. He said,

"Mungkin I bukan yang terbaik untuk you. Mungkin ade orang pat luar sane yang lebih baik untuk you dari I."

And maybe that goes the same to you. Maybe I'm not THE ONE for you. It's okay.

And one more thing, I asked him,

"Ohh so it means that all this while you've been asking me what will I do if you were to ask for a break-up, means that you've been planning it for a long time luh?"

He said, "No, I just wanted to know. That was just out of my curiosity. Nothing to do with this real break-up." And he sounded sincere, so I trusted that.

"So now since you've asked for it already, what do you want me to do?" I asked.
He never did answer.

PS:
Khairul Iskandar, it's a victory for me that I managed to not to cry infront of you. And now letting you go doesn't mean the world's over.
But baby, I just want you to know that it had been a great time when you were with me.

I still remember your words,

"If you keep my name in your heart and I keep your name in my heart, we will always be together, you know??"

YES.

I kept Khairul Iskandar in my heart and still keeping it, but you still left. It's okay.
And you know what? I had the first face-to-face break-up with you. Ha. Funny. Previous was like through friends, or sometimes, just MIA.

It's okay.

I guess I've grown stronger after all those difficult times. I was able to fight the tears off, atleast when I'm infront of you. I did cry afterall. And after posting this, I want to cry my heart out. Thankyou. Ha.
I wish maybe sometime we'll get back together. God knows.

I wish.

Cos I know, you're good, and my friends like you. Idk if they still do or not after they know about this break-up. Ha.

Frankly, I'm not that crossed with you, or whatever. Just, regret.

Maybe it was my fault not trying hard enough to give you all the attention.
And maybe cos that you understand me, but not fully. Geddit? I appreciate what you did for me. Thank you.

Just remember this, my life is always not easy.

I told you when we were compromising things, remember?

I may not know how to 'pujok' you when you go mad or upset. I may not know how to really react to your words, I may be irritating, I may not be a girl who you wish I was, I may be immature [I think you are too, lack of good brain cells to think properly and rationally (: ]
or whatever I may not know or may not be, but I'll always remember you, and, you know it yourself.

Keep those memories we left behind, and I love you, still.
I already miss you.

Your face.

Your warm embrace.

Your hugs and kissies. Friendly and caring.

The smell of you. Sweet. D:

So what shall I do now?
I wish we had one last, final, goodbye kiss, baby.
Really.
xxx

nothing left to say.

But you know what? It feels weird, waking up in the morning, suddenly realising, shit, I've lost you.

No, we are not together already.

IT HURTS!

Bloody hell.

Aku sayang kau uh. Ha. Okay.
I'm cool. Chill.
Hidop mati tetap maintain.
Haaaaa.
So, goodbye.
Chao Chin Chi.